Sexual Assault and the City?

Our Real-Life Episode with Mr. Big

And Just Like That’s season finale aired last night without Chris Noth’s Mr. Big scenes in Paris, as the actor was canceled due to sexual assault allegations. The allegations were all too uncanny and reminiscent of our night with him in New York City in October 2008.   

I lived in Chicago, but my travel job took me to New York City, so I brought a friend along—a tall, model-esque brunette named Laura. We joked we’d have a fun Sex and the City episode with dancing, brunching, and shopping. And just like that, the weekend turned into our real-life episode when we serendipitously found ourselves sitting across from Noth on the subway while heading down to Soho for a Sunday brunch.

We played it cool, kept quiet, and averted our eyes until he leaned in across the aisle and anointed us with his iconic sultry voice. “Argentina?”

“No, Romania,” Laura responded. Noth stood and grabbed the rail above us, attempting to brace himself for the train’s bumps and turns. Closer scrutiny revealed the actor’s bloodshot eyes, disheveled hair, and gray roots, which seemed to contrast his formidable TV character Mr. Big.

“I’m from Texas,” I said.

“Ah, Texas,” he said, throwing back his head. “Bush country.”

After asking us where we were going, Noth doled out the best pickup line. “Well, you’re on the right train, but you’re going in the wrong direction.”

Such was life in my twenties.

The actor escorted us to the other side of the tracks and then invited us to his buddy’s restaurant for dinner, Da Marino, where, according to The Hollywood Reporter, he also took country-pop singer Lisa Gentile before he would allegedly assault her. The Theater District restaurant was featured on an episode of Sex and the City season two and still sits in the basement of an unassuming building on 49th Street. Inside the dark and moody atmosphere, celebrity photographs hung in mismatched frames on a red brick wall across from a long mahogany bar. At the end, a grand piano overlooked the dining area.

The owner joined us for dinner, but I sat next to Noth. We ordered the salmon al cartoccio, and Noth recounted his trips to Spain as a child and the tourism boom of the ‘60s. I learned that he too majored in English and loves Hemingway. Together, we recited a few Frost poems, including “Fire and Ice”—the irony of which I’ve just considered while writing this. Noth criticized the younger generations’ academic pursuits that were in contradiction to his old-fashioned liberal arts education. “Studying business? In undergrad?”

Noth grabbed the mic to sing a loud jazzy show tune alongside the grand piano. The food led to more wine, which led to the restaurant closing, which led to some pot-smoking, which led to Noth offering my friend a tour of the kitchen. I thought it odd when they disappeared for some time, or that he would offer a tour at all, given that the restaurant was so small.

When Laura returned, she asked me to go to the restroom with her. By then I was feeling paranoid because I didn’t do drugs.

Alone in the restaurant’s eclectic restroom, Laura and I stood. Checkered tile floors, a makeshift fountain, and a mix of bizarre statues surrounded the commode—some fairies in bronze and an attempt at a baroque Bernini portrait bust. I felt the cold goosebumps rise along my skin as Laura bent down to meet my 5’3” frame to look me in the eyes. Noticing a cook still in the kitchen, Noth had ushered her into a dark corner. “He took me into the office and grabbed my ass. Can you believe that? Out of nowhere.”

Do I believe Noth is guilty of accusations as serious as rape? That's for a court of law to decide. But do I believe that the rainbows and sunshine view of feminism portrayed by the popular series Noth acted in has led us to a place where so many more women are ending up in dangerous situations? Absolutely.

And the new series, And Just Like That continues to get it wrong, by addressing the hot-button topics of gender and race, but not sexual assault and rape, which is sadly still a reality that comes with that Sex and the City lifestyle. I suspect that’s because two men, creator and executive producers Darren Star and Michael Patrick King, are at the helm of a show predominantly about women and sex.

Thirteen years later, Laura and I messaged each other. She’s in Miami now, and I’m in Austin. We discussed that night at Da Marino in 2008. For obvious reasons, Laura reminded me that was her first and last time ever smoking pot.

Perhaps because we were together, we had the luxury of leaving when things went sour. But what about the women who didn’t?

Strung-out Noth at least offered to escort us into a cab. As we drove away, I looked through the rear windshield. He was already wandering in the middle of the street, approaching, and saying hello to other random tourists who hadn’t even noticed him. The bright Times Square lights blinking behind us, I no longer felt as special as I had when we met him on the subway that morning.

The thing about powerful men is that we are often so quick to trust them. But time provides distance and perspective. Now that there are more women with similar experiences, it’s worth considering whether this was Noth’s pattern: invite star-struck women to restaurants featured on the show, buy them dinner, get them drunk and high, cross that murky line. And why not? Noth has the power, the celebrity, the money, and all the means to silence them should they question him. In fact, after hearing from editors and writers from top New York City publications, I was beginning to be persuaded not to publish this story without the backing of a legal department. All this talk of women having a voice since #MeToo, and yet here we are without a voice. Scrambling to make a profile on Substack.   

Looking back, I couldn’t help but wonder, was this just another day in the life of Chris Noth or Mr. Big?